Beginning Before Certainty

I wanted to create 8 mini collages (8x8in). I bought the canvas panels, then proceeded to feel guilty every time I saw the unopened materials sitting on the table.

Two weeks went by. Every time I walked past them, I got more annoyed with myself.

Just start, I thought.

Sometimes it’s harder than you think.

Previously, I mostly created standalone collage works in my own visual language — bold, gothic, surreal. This is the first time I’ve attempted to build a cohesive collection.

Will I have enough fragments?

How should each piece relate to the next?

Will they look too similar? Too different?

Will they feel connected at all?

Today I decided: no more.

I pushed myself to begin.

I opened the black and white gesso paints I’d been wanting to experiment with and committed to painting all 8 backgrounds without overthinking where the collection would eventually land.

I didn’t have a detailed plan for how each piece would come out. I still don’t.

But the guilt disappeared almost immediately once I started.

Paint to canvas.

Watching progress, even if it was small.

One canvas turned into two, and before I knew it, all 8 backgrounds were painted.

I write this as a reminder to myself:

Always create.

Don’t let fear of the outcome prevent you from making anything at all.

Maybe I won’t love the first draft. That’s fine.

I can layer over it. Paint over it. Cut into it. Rebuild it into something new.